Dear UUCA,

Spring is upon us! The crocus are pushing their purple petals above the mud and soon the daffodils will add yellow to our seasonal palette. It is the final season of my ministry with you. My interim period will end on June 22nd. The Unitarian Universalist Association, our denomination, requires that after I leave we take a two-year break from speaking to each other. This will feel odd and hard after two years together! But they feel that this extended time apart gives you a better chance to connect with your new minister. Although I won’t be with you in person I will be wishing you well from afar and speaking with the new minister as much as they would like as they get to know UUCA. 

Change is difficult, especially after this long pandemic season of loss. So much has already been altered, without our consent, and now the congregation is going through yet another transition. In the article “How to Embrace Change with Emotional Intelligence” by Kandi Wiens and Darin Rowell (Harvard Business Review), they write that experiencing a change at work can cause feelings similar to those felt by a person who has lost a loved one. Change necessitates grief. Even positive changes mean the end of one way of being. 

How do we make change as positive and painless as possible? Wiens and Rowell write that a good transition requires using Emotional Intelligence. They break it into four actions: identify why you feel resistant, investigate the story you are telling about the change, own your reactions, and think about what opportunities this change brings. 

Let’s think about why a person could feel resistant to a big change at church. Maybe they fear that a new minister will change something they really like. Maybe they wonder if they will still fit in if a minister comes who is a lot different than them. Perhaps this good soul hasn’t adjusted to all the big changes of the interim period and doesn’t know if they can manage more. What if this is the only place they truly feel like they belong, and fear that could stop being true? 

Next we can investigate the story we are telling about the change. In conversations with friends about the pandemic the story I heard most often was of powerlessness. We felt like the pandemic took away our agency and our choices. We felt like we were on a boat with a broken rudder, bounced around by waves with no ability to steer. I wonder if those feelings are arising in these church transitions? 

Throughout our lives there are thematic elements that make an appearance whenever we are under a great deal of stress. One might be “I’m powerless.” Or “Change always hurts me.” Or “I won’t be able to keep up with the new ways of doing things.” Or “I just barely fit here- any shift could dislodge my belonging.” What is your long-running story? Is it true? Most likely it is a very old story, an outdated story born from a scary childhood or teenage experience. Does this story really still apply to your life? It’s worth mentally flagging this narrative whenever it rises in your mind. Just noticing it begins to dismantle its authority. 

Third, we need to own our reactions. This means we have to notice when we start to tense up. When does a seemingly neutral conversation make us testy? Our reactions show up in unexpected places. A few months into my ministry at UUCA I realized that there is a designated minister’s parking space in the lot. I can’t imagine why that would stress me out- it’s a nice gift- but it made me tense. After some investigation I realized I was annoyed because I hadn’t noticed it earlier, and that plays into a long-running story of mine about not being observant. When I identified the cause my testiness disappeared. 

What is getting under your skin? Is it having worship services in the Fellowship Hall because of pandemic safety? Is it not hearing the choir live? Is it something I do differently from Rev Tim, that you didn’t even realize you cared about? Do a little digging and figure out what is behind your irritation. Irritation that we don’t own can lead to us lashing out at innocent bystanders. Before that can happen, take a deep breath and think about why you are reacting. 

Finally, think about what opportunities come with this transition at UUCA. It is likely that a new ministry will bring attention and visitors to the congregation. There will be new ways of doing old rituals, a way you might prefer. Perhaps the new minister will be an important person in your child’s life, or preach a sermon that makes you see things differently, or speak movingly at memorial services. Maybe they will have a tasty chili recipe that they are willing to share or a contagious laugh or a kind word for those in pain. There is much to gain in the next year. Certainly this freshness will be revitalizing for UUCA ministries. Certainly there is joy ahead. 

Whatever happens, the church is its people, and you have wise, kind people in leadership at UUCA. Listen to them, be gentle in sharing feedback with them, and appreciate their time and dedication to this community. Together you can weather any change. 

Warmly, Rev Kate